Lums a Reeking ,
The day could not have started off worse. I freely admit, it was a fairly unproductive day yesterday and all the little jobs that required doing, well, I didn't get to some of them, or all of them. But I'm unemployed, I'm not meant to be productive, I'm meant to be shiftless and lazy and Jeezo, its not like I did nothing. Some people do not appreciate the effort it takes to reach pro level at Wii tennis.
Well today I paid the penalty. A list had been prepared to add structure and meaning to my day and instead of warm buttery toast and a steaming mug of tea being presented to me in bed, it was.
Speaking of tea, I make mine in a pot, I mention it because I think the popularity of the tea-pot has diminished over the last 30 years or so. I remember great big teapots with woolly tea cosies that looked like a balaclava for crockery. They never seemed to empty and always produced piping hot perfectly brewed tea. Now folk are in too much of a hurry to wait the 6 minutes it takes to brew, they just pour boiling water over a tea-bag in a mug, a couple of squeezes against the side, and that will do. Apart from being wasteful its like the flavour is being forced out the tea-bag under duress, like a CIA black ops team water boarding an Iraqi dissident, you get what your after, but it leaves a bitter taste. By easing the flavour out, so that it seems as if the tea-bag is giving you a gift in return for a warm bath, you get much more satisfying results.
By putting, CIA and Iraq in the same sentence, The Reeking Lum may get a few more followers tomorrow, all at GCHQ right enough, still, the more the merrier.
Anyway, back to The List. No one could accuse it of being one dimensional, it had a wide variety of tasks on it. Shopping chores, cleaning chores, laundry chores, of course, pointless chores, a good few of them but worst and most concerning of all, a DIY chore. It was chilling, like picking up a paper and reading your own obituary.
I mentioned a few blogs ago just how hopeless I am at DIY and my past is littered with disasters and accidents, mis-understandings and humiliations. I can build flat pack I thought, no problem, I mean all the bits and pieces are there with the instructions, what can go wrong. What can go wrong is building all the units for your new fitted kitchen in the living room, then finding they wont go through the kitchen door. I once painted the living room ceiling with gloss paint, I couldn't understand why my brush was getting heavier and heavier and the room was beginning to spin.
So it was with obvious anxiety I read "sand bathroom door and paint" on The List. I immediately thought of all the things that could go wrong, paint spills, tile damage, I could slip and get tangled up in the sanders cord and have my body discovered and mistakenly reported as having perished in a bizarre fetish gone wrong.
I took my time, all day actually and completed the task, incredibly, without incident despite realising half way through I hadn't gotten changed into a smock, or whatever you wear when painting and still had a good pair of jeans on. But tomorrow I think I will have to revisit it to touch up the runs and I fully expect something unexpected and disastrous to happen then.
Last night I watched that new BBC show about the solar system, and its brilliant. I love all that stuff, its the scale that gets me, its beyond comprehension and when I try to comprehend it, my mind just seems to empty, its quite refreshing actually. But I learned that on Venus, a day, lasts longer than a year and after the three days I've just had, I know what that feels like.
Then The News. Huw Edwards tie is immediately a distraction from all the terrible things going on around the world, good old BBC. It couldn't distract me from Tony Blairs ridiculous accent though, its like something you'd hear on one of those American God Channels. Some people just assimilate accents really easily, others could live in Australia or LA for years and not sound any different. The Lum of course, has no accent at all so could live and reek anywhere and not sound odd.
Huws tie couldnt distract me from more dead soldiers arriving home, shoulder high and draped in the flag. Surely this has to end soon, the public can exert pressure now, if it wants, with an election looming. I fear more are interested only in themselves and their own welfare, their mortgage payments and job security. Society, Thatcher was right when she said it didnt exist anymore and she should know, it was she that kicked and starved it to death.
I am of course as guilty as the next man.
Lang may yer lum reek
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