Greekings, Lums of earth,
Another weekend in south east Londinium and this week, rather than lie like a coma patient I managed to drag myself to the front door, and once some muscle memory returned to my legs actually go out. Its not like I'm some 21st century hermit, I'm just skint and down here their are millions of people demanding payment for services or things that may constitute weekend fun, so I tend to avoid them by not having any. But I needed the air so out I went to have the paper money sucked from my pockets in Greenwich.
I had a Masala tea in Monsoon Cafe and a mooch about a little flea market where I bought two second hand dvds for the same price HMV sell you new ones. The dvds got me in the mood for a movie and by chance Greenwich Picture House was just warming up its projectors for their afternoon matinees.
I could have had Gullivers Travels, in 3D, er no thanks. I like Jack Black, well I did in School of Rock but I heard this was rubbish, and not in a teeny totty way. Also, 3D, I'm still not convinced. Its just another distraction for directors, rather than intriguing plots and fizzy dialogues and creative cinematography they have to worry about giving us things to duck from. Its gotten too lazy, too formulaic, not always of course, but most of what gets the longer runs at your local odeon-worldplex will be.
In their smallest screen, and this is only a small 4 screen picture house, they were showing The Big Sleep with Bogey and Bacall. I've never been to a classic movie screening before and didn't know what to expect, apart from expecting it not to be busy, I got that right.
There was film student girl, I'm sure she was taking notes in the dark and the professor, at the end of my row who reminded me of that old TV boffin Heinz Wolfe, was that his real name you think? Come to think of it, Heinz Wolfe reminded me of Professor Pat Pending in Whacky Races. Behind me a few rows was a curious woman, I called her, in my head of course, not conversationally The Widow. She was about 60 and alone, but big, blond and brassy and the last type I would have thought to see in an old Film Noir screening.
Me of course, with this beard I'll take the name of Hobo, they probably thought I was just in to get out the cold and right next to me, even though there were about 100 empty seats all around us, sat Hinge and Bracket. Easily 150 years between them, the scent of Lily of the Valley overwhelming. I mean, I bought a box of popcorn but half way through I thought it was a big bag of Parma Violets.
Before the start they were chattering away, and one of them nudged me and says " em,em, emm , what is this" as she dismissively gestured at the screen. "Its a Trail-er" I said, a little loudly and over pronounced, I immediately grimaced a little, they were probably called something else in her days, she wont know what I'm on about and she'll ask again and I'll have to explain and I'll miss the trailers. I don't even think they had trailers back then, any free time was filled with Pathe News reels of Jackbooted Nazis stomping into Czechoslovakia or steamboat willy in that rubbish little tug boat, toot, toot.
"Its a little long" she came back with, as if I was wrong. It wasnt by the way, it was a pretty standard length for a trailer and then of course it ended and it was obvious it was a trailer, she looked a little happier then but still never even said thanks, such is the way of the upper classes, I know that from the 3 minutes of Downton Abbey I had to watch while standing in Yummy (The Chinese Takeaway). That's still a stupid name for a Chinese takeaway, I feel I have to explain in brackets what it is even though regular lums will have heard me go on about it before.
But how impatient do you need to be to get agitated by a movie trailer. I thought when you were old the world sped up and everything went by in half the time. Trust my luck to get the only pensioner with attention deficit disorder sat next to me, she's probably got restless legs or something I stressed to myself.
It reminded me of a couple of old dears on the docklands light railway one weekend, they were on the way to Greenwich to watch a play. They were obviously concerned about making it on time so one of them, the oldest one, got to her feet, not easy when your shoogling along at thirty odd mile an hour and approached the attendant in a doddery kind of way, DLR trains are driverless, so he was their only hope. Imagine the Queen Mother speaking, that's what she sounded like, "my man, can you make this go faster" "What? he replied, incredulity dribbling off his chin when he had finally closed his mouth "we're going to be late, we'd like it to go faster" she clarified helpfully. He just laughed and walked off up the carriage, which I thought a little disrespectful but then so was she, risking my death in a mangled derailed toy town train, maybe even a Coronation St style catastrophe in Mudchute just so that her and her old biddy, who did look a little mortified, could take their seats before curtain up.
So, what of the movie, The Big Sleep. Magical, that's what it was and on the big screen I just got totally immersed in it. If I watch a film like this on TV, I end up being jolted out the story because the special effects or staging is unconvincing to my 21st Century film goers eyes, but at the cinema, you forget all that, you appreciate every little thing especially the characters, the words they say and the lines invested in even fairly junior characters. Speaking of trailers though, I saw one for the Coens True Grit. It looks great, I was a little worried because they are tramping on hallowed ground with this one, The Duke, Rooster Cogburn "Fill yer hands ya..." the eye patch, I loved that movie, I watched it again recently and loved it, every character in it is a joy, even Robert Duvall playing the baddie gets some sympathy. It looks like the new one is going to be good though, I cant wait to see it.
Fitting really because this beard I'm allowing to grow on my face will have me looking like Jeff Bridges Rooster Cogburn by the time it comes out, If I get an eye patch, I'll maybe get in the pictures for free. At the moment it makes me look more like the pencil drawn guy from The Joy of Sex.
Lang may yer lum reek.
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