Jordan and the dishy Greens

Lums,

Fourth morning on the trot I have traipsed down to Kirky town centre, its only about half a mile, but I'm missing my car, any car in-fact. At least I can look Mother Nature in the face and whisper comfortingly in her ear" Its not me, its them" .

This time I was just taking little yappy out for a walk, though, dragging is a more accurate description. As soon as the weather gets a little bit Scottish, that's it, she doesn't want to know, anyway, I thought it would be a good opportunity to continue my search for Kirkys best bacon roll.

Because yappy was with me, I was drawn to a place that had a table outside, and in Kirky that can only mean D'nisi,s. D'nisi,s you,ll notice, not Denices and I had as much chance of getting a bacon roll in there as John Terry has of getting away with Shell forecourt flowers and a card for his wifes next birthday. No, it was all brie and red onion that, and highland salmon and watercress this. Whats happened is they have obviously somehow got Kirkintilloch mixed up with somewhere else, and when they were filling in their business loan application put down Covent Garden by mistake.

So, yappy and I slipped away, after pretending I had to think about my choice from the menu. They probably get that a lot right enough, with patrons being totally thrown by items like Bruschetta and Panninis.

So, we ventured along to where the rents are a little lower, and found a place among the charity shops called "The Street Cafe Company" which sounds a bit grand and conjures up images of huge multi national corporations and massive board room tables made of Amazonian teak. In reality, it'll be one man and his apron. However, you know your on the right track for a credible bacon roll, when the CEO of the company greets you with "AWRIGHT BIG MAN, WHIT CAN A DAE YE FIR". What I got was a half decent effort, but found the bacon a little bland and sliced too thickly. but its the best yet. No where near as good as the one I had a couple of weeks ago in Canary Wharf...it was perfect in every way...I hear harps when i think of it.

Thinking of Starbucks got me interested in something, how far away is your nearest Starbucks, I've just checked and the nearest Starbucks to me is 7.7 miles away. That must be hard to imagine if you live in a city of any size. My mate has just informed me that he has moved to a place that is equidistant from the 3 nearest Starbucks and they are all 21 miles away. How can you explain that? Its some kind of Starbucks dead zone. Maybe a gypsy curse, or something buried deep under the ground that repels soulless conglomerates. I can imagine the Starbucks suits in Seattle, through the night meetings, focus groups, powerpoints and ven diagrams all trying to find a way to explain to shareholders why they haven't cracked Northamptonshire.

I cannot let last nights tele-consumption go without comment. First of all, apologies to non-football and non-Scottish followers but, Scotlands Greatest Team...GENIUS.

How to choose the greatest forwards? Well, lets get those that are less than immortal gods out the way first, that leaves Big Joe Jordan, King Kenny and Dennis Law, "The Lawman, so called because his second name was Law, and he was a man" as someone once said.

Every Scotland fan loves to see a big combative "heederer of a baw" up front, thats why Big Duncan Ferguson was such a disappointment for so many of us, so Jordan gets in my team. He epitomises what a Scottish striker should be, fearsome and fearless, good in the air and dentally challenged. But that means King Kenny or the Lawman has to be left out. I grew up watching King Kenny, and he truly, truly was magnificent, the best around at the time by a long way, but I'm going for Law, mainly because we have already seen Dalgleish and Jordan upfront together in 3 world cups, I'd love to see Jordan and Law. Kenny on the bench.

Secondly, Question Time... David Starkey, what a blustering, pompous, swivel eyed old tory he is. Its interesting to watch the old experienced politicians like Beckitt and Kennedy at work on that show, they never get dragged into anything, always in control and assured. The conservative shadow cabinet member, I cant remember his name, which is the conservatives biggest problem, just came over as being naive and inexperienced, but probably impeccably connected. Caroline Lucas, the leader of The Greens is a bit of a dish, or maybe that was a trick of the eye because Margaret Beckitt was sitting so close. Thats the great thing about getting older, the only great thing, every year you find more and more people attractive. I'm up to about 60%, though that figure drops considerably in Papa Kawas.

I'm thinking of making a start sorting the two boxes i brought home from work. Filled with the debris of 20 years of getting away with it in Diageo. Its like that scene where you wake up in rags on a deserted beach after your ships gone down surrounded by crates, barrels and broken timbers. Some of it might be useful in the future so should be kept, the rest calls for .......A BURNING.

Lang may yer lum reek.