Thursday, November 26, 2015

All the fun of the fair

Those fundamentalists seem to be having a load of fun over there in their Caliphate, cant help thinking its a real commitment though with quite a bit of downside. What with the drones and the bombs and those daily dark washes they have to put on, I haven't even got to that all enveloping evil they have to spout at every opportunity, it must be exhausting and as a life style choice, its a hard sell to the 99.6% of Moslems that actually quite like living in peace and harmony, even if they feel guilty about it.  

So, why don’t radical fundamentalists open a theme park, they could call it Islamyworld or something, where they can spend two weeks, religiously following Sharia law, which will be enough for most of them, then they can return to the 21st Century with their 1000-year itch scratched, at least until next year. 

Spend a bit of that oil money from the Turks and you could have some good rides.  (I don't own the copyright on these ideas so if anyone from the ISIS tourist board reads this, feel free to run up some posters.)

Its Minnie Mosul Mouse
The Chair-o-Planes, where you take your seat and feel what it’s like to plummet 35000ft in a disintegrating airbus. 

The rollercoaster could be made up of reclaimed Toyota Pick-ups, you would sit in the back and try and knock over various indigenous Christian groups on the way around the desert mountain mock ups.  Ripley’s Believe it or Not Executions, this would be good, a waxworks depicting all the grisly and imaginative executions that can be thought of, from throwing off towers, to running over with tanks and blowing up with dynamite, well worth a visit.  

You wouldn’t want to miss the resident show, the hilarious Better Apostate than Never, an open-to-interpretation who–dun-it based on the literal translation of something or another, not set to music anymore, since that’s banned, but starring some of Islamyworlds best known superstar clerics.   
Superstar Clerics in da house

You could stroll around the IS-COT Centre, where some of the world’s favourite capital cities will have been faithfully recreated, taste the food, sample the benefits, try and spot the places a suicide 
bomber could inflict the most carnage, the kids will love it. 

Then there is always the live filming of Islamyworlds favourite game shows to go and see, Pop Idolatry, where you can watch this year’s contestants’ martyrdom videos, what will the judges make of those and season 1001 of Civilosation, the name of the game is to see how far back societal development can be turned, all the way to the year dot, and the winner gets a slave, recently converted from a family of goat herders.  You would finish the day off at the Museum of Antiquities, with its compelling strap line, hurry folks,  just because they're old, doesn’t mean they're forever.  

Is any one putting on a lights wash? Anyone? No? Oh fuck it! 

No pigs or birds with the painters in.