Hello again Lums,
And another thing...
Policy dictates I'm not allowed to talk about work in a blog, and I wrote it, so its obviously a really important and relevant policy but I have a couple of things to say about sport IN A TOTALLY NON-OLYMPIC context you understand.
I'm probably a little put out because my suggestions for improving next years galaxy games by introducing Kerby were rejected out of hand.
I had it all worked out, a mock suburban street in the Olympic Park, pavements, a regulation 6 yards apart with kerbs 6 inches high. There would be parked vehicles that the football, or kerbyball (its really just a football) could get stuck under and occasionally traffic would come along and suspend play for a few seconds with the shout of CAR being given by whatever player was in possession. It would be first to twenty, simple knock out.
The Americans would be rubbish because there roads are too wide and the African nations would struggle, given the absence of kerbs, it would be an easy couple of medals for us, a test of accuracy and skill. Still, for whatever reason, they didn't go for it.
Or my invitation to consider revamping the cycle road races by allowing Dick Dastardly style tactics like changing direction signs or fake diversion notices, sprinkling drawing pins on the road or releasing slippy oil all over the road behind you, or my favourite, discretely chaining the back of a fancied opponents bike to a lamppost just before the off. Think what a spectacle that would be. It would be nice to see the cyclists sporting big Victorian moustaches and the international teams turning up in their national stereotypes from about 1910, but that's optional
Undeterred, I have another idea, to improve an existing game rather than introduce a new one.
I got the idea when I went along to watch some archery and quickly realised how boring and pointless (HAHA pointless, get it?) it is. Not if your an archery fan I understand, but globally there are only about 112 of those, the rest of us are not getting that excited.
But don't worry sports fans , I have a plan.
We will keep the field of play the same, that is 70 odd metres from the target, the bows and arrows will be the same too so the archers don't need any new skills or anything. No, what we are going to do is change the target into a big dart board. It would need to be quite a big dart board of course, if we imagine the bulls eye to be about the size of a side plate, that will give you an idea how big it will need to be. From there on, the rules of darts are heavily borrowed, subtraction from 501, a double finish, all that, I'd even bring back boozing on the sidelines. Thanks to Miss S Jonesy Jones of Newport, I've got a name for it, "Dartchery". The fans are happy, the television audience are happy, the sponsors will love it as it goes global on ESPN, even the players must be less bored and they get to drink beer and they can give themselves cool nicknames like er, thunderbolt, shaft ,bowfinger and deadeye.
Build a big dart board and fire arrows at it and they will come....
If they don't go for this my last suggestion is for the chubby games, I got the inspiration for that from The Biggest Loser, it would be similar but kind of the opposite.
Lang may yer lum reek
 |
| Another Gold for Britain, YAY! |
Policy dictates I'm not allowed to talk about work in a blog, and I wrote it, so its obviously a really important and relevant policy but I have a couple of things to say about sport IN A TOTALLY NON-OLYMPIC context you understand.
I'm probably a little put out because my suggestions for improving next years galaxy games by introducing Kerby were rejected out of hand.
I had it all worked out, a mock suburban street in the Olympic Park, pavements, a regulation 6 yards apart with kerbs 6 inches high. There would be parked vehicles that the football, or kerbyball (its really just a football) could get stuck under and occasionally traffic would come along and suspend play for a few seconds with the shout of CAR being given by whatever player was in possession. It would be first to twenty, simple knock out.
The Americans would be rubbish because there roads are too wide and the African nations would struggle, given the absence of kerbs, it would be an easy couple of medals for us, a test of accuracy and skill. Still, for whatever reason, they didn't go for it.
Or my invitation to consider revamping the cycle road races by allowing Dick Dastardly style tactics like changing direction signs or fake diversion notices, sprinkling drawing pins on the road or releasing slippy oil all over the road behind you, or my favourite, discretely chaining the back of a fancied opponents bike to a lamppost just before the off. Think what a spectacle that would be. It would be nice to see the cyclists sporting big Victorian moustaches and the international teams turning up in their national stereotypes from about 1910, but that's optional
Undeterred, I have another idea, to improve an existing game rather than introduce a new one.
I got the idea when I went along to watch some archery and quickly realised how boring and pointless (HAHA pointless, get it?) it is. Not if your an archery fan I understand, but globally there are only about 112 of those, the rest of us are not getting that excited.
But don't worry sports fans , I have a plan.
We will keep the field of play the same, that is 70 odd metres from the target, the bows and arrows will be the same too so the archers don't need any new skills or anything. No, what we are going to do is change the target into a big dart board. It would need to be quite a big dart board of course, if we imagine the bulls eye to be about the size of a side plate, that will give you an idea how big it will need to be. From there on, the rules of darts are heavily borrowed, subtraction from 501, a double finish, all that, I'd even bring back boozing on the sidelines. Thanks to Miss S Jonesy Jones of Newport, I've got a name for it, "Dartchery". The fans are happy, the television audience are happy, the sponsors will love it as it goes global on ESPN, even the players must be less bored and they get to drink beer and they can give themselves cool nicknames like er, thunderbolt, shaft ,bowfinger and deadeye.
Build a big dart board and fire arrows at it and they will come....
If they don't go for this my last suggestion is for the chubby games, I got the inspiration for that from The Biggest Loser, it would be similar but kind of the opposite.
Lang may yer lum reek
No comments:
Post a Comment