Saturdays,

Hello Lums,

I love Saturdays. I love Saturdays mostly because I can lie in bed as long as I like, no alarm clock, no commute and no commuters. So why the hell was I wide awake at 0700 on Saturday 6th November. Staring at the ceiling, definitely awake, but not wanting to believe it. I could have been having the shittiest dream ever after all.

I remember being like that at school. Having to be dragged out of bed with shire horses and not really wakening up until about 11 o'clock, but on Saturdays I was springing out of bed first thing, dont know what for, Noel Edmonds Saturday Swap Shop probably, but I think it was an instinctive manly desire, to make the most of doing F-all.

It did give me time to appreciate the early arrivals at Heathrow airport lumbering over the house. The Qantas super-jumbos with the exploding engines and the cargo planes with the ballistic photo-copiers, timed to go off over big infidel cities, like Hither Green.

London, did you know, is the only major city with an airport that has its approach right over the top of the main centre of population, I'm just saying.

Speaking of which, the press should stop calling them ink-bombs. That sounds like something Oor Wullie would lob at Fat Boab frae the back 'o'the class.

I thought I'd log on and take a quick look at the Internet news feeds, to see whats happened in the world in the four hours I'd been asleep. CNN caught my eye, SEAL caught smuggling arms!! I thought, that's a bit of a career change, I know he's not had any best selling albums or mercury music prizes for a while, but gun running? But no, it was a US Navy Seal who managed to bring back some souvenirs from Afghanistan, 83 guns to be precise. Whats a Navy SEAL doing in Afghanistan anyway, is it not land locked and pretty much waterless?

When I was in Oman we visited a Wadi, an Oasis if you will, and our guide Masoud says there was more fresh water in it than all the other fresh water in Oman altogether. I was expecting something like Loch Leven or maybe at least the Lake of Mentieth, but I reckon there would have been more water in the old Stirling baths. I expect Afghanistan is much the same. Oh Oh, just noticed, I've used the words, Afghanistan, bomb, US, infidel, guns, ballistic, super-jumbos and airport all in the same blog. An alarm will be going off at GCHQ when I post this and I expect I'll be up early tomorrow again, when MI5 burst my bedroom door in.

I nipped into Greggs today for a sausage roll, good but I had a remorseful pang when I realised how much I missed a scotch pie. I also miss square sausage, my kids, my dog, my car, king ribs, my dad and sisters, fresh northern air and my S and everything that goes with her, though not necessarily in that order of course.

Lang may yer lum reek.